I've been reading lots of articles about how to help my boyfriend through this, and tips for me as well. There are lots of good ones on yourbrainonporn.com, including these two:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/boyfriend-quitting-porn-5-tips
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner
All of the tips I've seen for the partner of the addict mention not feeling like this is our fault. And I am seriously not trying to make this about me. My boyfriend has an addiction, and I am doing my best to help him through it. But I still feel that insecurity of it being partially my fault. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but the fact that he needed porn to get off then couldn't always keep it up with me makes me feel like I am not good enough to keep his full attention, while the porn was. And now during his reboot, he wants to hold off sex for awhile. I totally understand his wanting to reset his sexual urges or whatever, but it doesn't help my self esteem issues.
I hate feeling like I'm being needy, but I have that nagging feeling that I am still not good enough. I don't want to bring it up to him because I don't want him to worry about me; all I want him to worry about is getting better. But I am starting to realize that this healing process is going to be difficult for the both of us. No one really talks about how hard it is to be the partner of the addict. But it is hard, and there aren't always good support groups for us. And with my boyfriend wanting to keep his problem secret, I can't really talk to anyone.
I started this blog thinking I could just outline our journey to recovery, and that it would be happy because he would be getting better. But this is harder than I anticipated. I am learning that there are rough patches, not just for him but for me too.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/boyfriend-quitting-porn-5-tips
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-with-a-partner
All of the tips I've seen for the partner of the addict mention not feeling like this is our fault. And I am seriously not trying to make this about me. My boyfriend has an addiction, and I am doing my best to help him through it. But I still feel that insecurity of it being partially my fault. I mentioned this in an earlier post, but the fact that he needed porn to get off then couldn't always keep it up with me makes me feel like I am not good enough to keep his full attention, while the porn was. And now during his reboot, he wants to hold off sex for awhile. I totally understand his wanting to reset his sexual urges or whatever, but it doesn't help my self esteem issues.
I hate feeling like I'm being needy, but I have that nagging feeling that I am still not good enough. I don't want to bring it up to him because I don't want him to worry about me; all I want him to worry about is getting better. But I am starting to realize that this healing process is going to be difficult for the both of us. No one really talks about how hard it is to be the partner of the addict. But it is hard, and there aren't always good support groups for us. And with my boyfriend wanting to keep his problem secret, I can't really talk to anyone.
I started this blog thinking I could just outline our journey to recovery, and that it would be happy because he would be getting better. But this is harder than I anticipated. I am learning that there are rough patches, not just for him but for me too.