My boyfriend is completely porn free, and has been for awhile now. Sex is great, with very few instances of troubles with getting hard. For all of you out there worrying about if sex is going to ever be normal again: it will be. It will be awesome. And it will be even better knowing that you've gone through this journey together and it's healthy sex.
It has not been all fun and games. As a long distance couple, a way that we kept our sex life going was through sexting and what we call "sexy Skype." After finding out about his porn addiction, I basically cut him off. Sexting involved words only, no pictures. "Sexy Skype" did not happen. I thought that what I had been providing him was a form of porn, and would only feed his addiction and make it more difficult to stop. This put a strain on our relationship. We had basically no sex life except when we were physically together about once a month. This was hard for me, but harder for him. He had been relying on our sex life to give him something to, in a way, replace porn with. Not that he's addicted to sex now, but he was thinking that by letting off the internet porn and only having interactions with me, he would be able to ease into quitting. I was too scared that it would make it worse.
His counselor told him that pictures shared between the two of us would not have a negative impact on his recovery, since they were designated to go to him only and were not part of the wide world of internet porn. But I was not convinced. I did not provide anything. He was easily frustrated and resented me for not doing what he thought would be extremely helpful. I still held my ground.
About nine months after he started his recovery, sex was just about back to normal, and I was tired of having our only sex life once a month or so. So I started sending pictures again. And it has not negatively impacted our journey at all, it has just made our relationship happier. I think that once your significant other is over their reboot, it will be ok to sext or whatever you would like to call it. I can not speak for what would happen if you sexted throughout the reboot, since we did not do that.
None of this is to say that you need to "replace" your partner's porn with pictures or videos of yourself, especially if you are not up for the idea. I only started sending them again after I was completely comfortable with it, and it worked out for us. If you want to do something different, that is totally up to you. It's your journey.
Some of you may think that sending pictures are only going to get him back on the road to addiction. While that may happen with some people, I do not think it will happen with us. The pictures are not just images of a stranger on screen who has been made up to look as sexually desirable as possible, they are images of me, his partner, and they help us keep up a sex life outside of when we visit each other. The pictures help us build intimacy, not just sexual gratification.
I thank you for taking the time to read my blog, and hope that something on here has helped you with your journey. I plan on coming and posting an update every once in awhile, but I am not sure how often that would be. In any case, feel free to fill out the contact form with any questions, comments, advice, or whatever it may be. Good luck on your journey.